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Classifed ad translations - any to add? (Humor)

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These are from a Revzilla article, but I think most translate to car ads.

https://www.revzilla.com/common-tread/how-to-translate-motorcycle-ads

Asking $16,000, make offer

Someone please give me $10,000

$11,500 firm

Someone please give me $10,000

$8,000 firm, no low-ball offers

Short of selling a kidney, I have no means of paying off the $7,500 balance on the loan on this $5,000 bike

OBO

Just give me two thirds of what I'm asking, please God

Ran when I parked it, needs carb work

The 10-year-old gasoline in there has turned to mica

Needs battery

I don't have $100 for a new battery, and even if I did, putting in a new battery would only reveal that it won't start

Turns over, good compression

At least the damn thing hasn't seized and I'm gambling you won't show up with a compression gauge

Must go this weekend

I'm six months late on the rent and the eviction proceedings are starting to get serious

No low ballers

The payoff on the loan is way more than it's worth so I have to get an inflated price

Wife says it has to go

I haven't ridden it in five years, but I'm the kind of person who feels better blaming someone else

No time to ride

I drive my car every day because it has air conditioning and I'm lazy

Over $5,000 in extras

I wasted a lot of money on farkles nobody wants

Extended swingarm, lowered

Clutch is fried from playing Rickey Dragracer at every light and the bike now handles like a garbage truck

Aftermarket exhaust, sounds great

Obnoxiously loud, guaranteed to tick off your neighbors

Stock exhaust but I removed the baffles, sounds great

Obnoxiously loud would be an improvement; also, runs poorly

Custom paint

Been crashed

Fresh paint

Been crashed

New plastics

Been crashed

Lots of new parts

Been crashed

Cosmetic flaws typical for its age

Been crashed

Converted to a streetfighter

Been crashed

Salvage title

Been crashed really bad

Barn fresh

Mice ate holes in the air filter

Barn find

Damn, I forgot this junk was still out here

Classic style

Looks dated

Instant classic

It's old

Collectible

I know, because it's been collecting dust in my garage for 15 years while I've been hoping it would go up in value

Good beginner bike

Underpowered

Good first bike

My only hope of unloading this junk is finding an uninformed and gullible buyer

Mechanic's special

Too many problems to list

Needs a little TLC

You probably won't make it home from the sale without breaking down

Sold "as is"

If you make it out of my driveway on this thing, I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again for any reason

 

Basket case, everything is there

Not even God knows what's in that pile of parts

Tires still good for another season

The cords aren't showing through the tread yet

Good winter project

I just realized I'm trying to sell a motorcycle at the worst time of the year

Text only, I don't check e-mail

Internet service was cut off to my house months ago for non-payment

bike 4 sale call 4 info

I am too stoned and lazy to take a photo, use capital letters or punctuation, or type more than six words, so just imagine how well I've cared for this motorcycle

Thinning the herd

It finally dawned on me that having six motorcycles, five of which do not run, is stupid

99 Katana for sale: rare bike, collectible

Wanted: one clueless buyer with cash

I will send you a cashier's check and you can wire me the balance

Please be the one in a thousand who is foolish enough to fall for this

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4 Answers
0

Lol.  Lot of truth there!

 

All Original .... "So, why is the VIN upside down?"

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What does “That’s Normal” translate to?  I keep hearing it too often, it must be code for something.

That's normal = no, there's nothing that needs to be fixed
or if at a dealer = no, that's not under warranty

it translates to "I won't make enough money fixing this"

Dealers in my country love use at the end of an ad: 'we don't take any responsibility for written mistakes' or 'possible mistakes in the ad, for correct information contact our staff'

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I think something similar can be said for car ads.

You want to talk about car ads? How about car-magazine journalism. Motor Trend Car of the Year Award: 1960 Chevrolet Corvair, 1971 Chevrolet Vega, 1972 Citroën SM, 1980 Chevrolet Citation, 1983 Renault Alliance, 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser, 2019 Genesis G70, 2018 Alfa Romeo Giulia, 2017 Chevrolet Bolt EV.

I mean used car ads. Like 'fill up and drive' , 'engine runs great' and other that sellers include.
New car ads are another story, like bikes.

0

These are great! Always have this in the back of your mind.

Funny, but serious too.

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