Nothing fancy but will last. For my daughter and her children.
I would go with the Toyota Highlander, albeit third row is made for tiny people.
I have two Honda Pilots. 2009 and 2010. The 2009 has 305,000 on it including original engine and transmission. I routinely drive it on long trips. The 2010 has 135,000 and has a nicer package with leather and heated seats.
Maintenance is fairly easy and inexpensive. I do all the maintenance myself.
I use the best oil and filters. I drain and fill the transmission fluid once a year. I also follow the maintenance schedule closely.
In my opinion these are very able vehicles and are comfortable, reliable and durable.
2009-2015 engine was 3.5L V6 (J35Z4) which had cylinder deactivation (VCM). Did you ever disable it? If so, how?
No, I have never deactivated.